” guess it’s gonna have to hurt,
I guess I’m gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I’ve loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it’s gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It’s sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there’s a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life’s so bitter sweet….”
parts of a song entitled Starts With Goodbye by Carrie Underwood.
This is something that I’m going through at this point in my life. I’ve spent many nights thinking about this, that sometimes making a new start means leaving certain things and people behind. My life as a whole, whether it be my health, faith, or anything that makes me who I am – there are things I have to learn to let go inorder to make a new start. It’s a sad reality, but then those lyrics are exactly the train of thoughts that’s been running through my mind.
As for my faith, I’m at a turning point where I need to focus on my own culture, the Hmong people. For many years now, I have studied the Hebrew roots of Christianity and have learned a great deal. The cutlure, tradition, and how all that makes understanding of Scripture more real than anything I’ve ever experienced before. And the more I learned about the Hebrews, the more I am nudged at my shoulder about my own people. Our culture, tradition, and even religion. Yes religion, even though that’s something that I have chose not to practice, it is still important to know. Why? Because instead of just a no and that’s that, I would like to give an explanation and help others to understand why I no longer practice it. When people see that you have the knowledge and have made a decision base on that, there’s that respect there. Instead of just a plain o’ no, where it seems that you know nothing about the other side at all. In short, I want to learn about my culture and tradition as a Hmong believer to help me understand the path that I have chosen, where I’m going and where I come from.
And for myself, work and family have become complicated. In the sense that if I want to start seeing some real changes, professionaly and at home, I need to make some realistic moves that will enable the changes to fall into place. For instance, my commute for work has increased from 10 minutes to about 45 mins to 1 hr, one way (and that’s on a good day in the summer time). Not only that, but putting fort the effort and experienced that I have, knowingly that I am well underpaid is very discouraging. I’m tired of feeling bitter and discouraged, I know that I have two choices, stay and put up with it or find a new job. I have been applying for new jobs and sending out resumes, hopefully something will turn up.
With the family, I am working on getting a new place. I know that buying a new home is a huge investment and have undertaken some time to educate myself about making the move. I have spoken with an agent and she has agreed to work with me along the way, she was referred by friends of mine. So I know that she’s a good candidate, as far as trust and reputation goes. I plan is that within the next few months, for sure by the end of this year, I will move into my new place and settle down. With this move, it will alleviate some room around the house for the rest of the family. Remember, I do come from a very large family, 17 people to be exact. And of course, other things will fall into place as well.
And finally, my health. I have spoken with the social worker at the Cystic Fibrosis center and we both agree that my plan is a realistic one. However, it is very important to make sure that I maintain doing my treatments and keep up with my check ups so that I don’t neglect it. Because the last thing I want is to accomplish my plans only to get really sick. And that’s a real possibility to keep in mind, not in the back but in the forefront. My doctors and I have talked over the past two appointments and they are working on getting me either an inhaler or another nebulizer so that I can do the 2nd treatment during the day in my car at work. I have to do 3 treatments a day, morning, afternoon and evening. They have also given me a device that is similar to a flutter. It’s a horizontal device where I blow into and it’s suppose to shake up my lungs. Substituting the vest while I am on the road. I won’t go into much detail about it but it’s quite interesting. Anyhow, that’s the update on my health and my plans for taking care of myself.
In a nutshell, this is what I have on my plate at the moment. So keep me in your prayers and I hope that all will turn out for the best. I will keep you updated as well. Thanks.